delay improves sex couple relationships and sex therapy11 mai 2011
According to research, delaying sex allows a more satisfactory and more stable over time.
Couples who have sex as early as during a first date or the first month of their meeting, have the worst results in terms of relationships.
"What seems to happen is that if couples find themselves in bed too early, this area of the rewards of the relationship beyond the decision-making, and keeps couples in a relationship that might not be the best for them in the long term "says researcher Dean Busby.
The complex nature of sex
Past research on sexual relations and its association with the quality of the relationship, revealed two different paradigms. In one, sexual relations are considered essential to develop a relationship, since that allows partners to assess their sexual compatibility.Following this line of thought, the couples who married before having tested their sexual chemistry might be in danger of missing marital and marriage
The opposing view posits that couples who delay or refrain from sexual intimacy during the beginning of their relationship to enable communication, and other social processes, to be the basis of their attraction towards each another. This idea essentially states that early sex may be harmful to their relationship, away from the communication, commitment and ability to face adversity.
Past studies have shown that the link relationship / sex is complex. For example, a 2004 study of nearly 300 students living relationship has shown that when couples were heavily involved, sex was more likely to be perceived as a positive turning point in the relationship, which increased the understanding, commitment, confidence and sense of security. However, when the commitment and emotional expressions were low, initiating sex was significantly longer considered a negative event, evoking regret, uncertainty, discomfort and forced apologies.
Early sexual intercourse
In his study, published in the Journal of Family Psychology , Busby and his colleagues specifically looked at the timing of intercourse. They recruited 2035 individuals heterosexuals who had a mean age of 36 years and were married for the first time.Participants reported their first intercourse with their wives present, they also answered questions on communication, assessing how they express empathy and understanding vis-à-vis their partners, and how they sending clear messages to their partner, and other topics.
Other chapters of the questionnaire were focused on satisfying the relationship and its stability, the latter characteristic was gauged by three issues: the frequency of their disputes or disagreements, how often they thought their relationship was coming to term and are how many times they were separated for being together.
Individuals were categorized according to whether they had:
early sex (or to meet them within a month after they started dating)
sex late (between one month and two years after their meeting)
and those who waited until marriage.
The relationships between couples are more successful when a person waits longer to have sex even before marriage, while those who shared their beds less than a month after their meeting showed the worst outcomes.
Compared with the group in early sex, those who waited until marriage have assessed the stability of their marital relationships 22% better, assessed the satisfaction of their relationship higher than 20% rated the quality of their sex 15% better and have evaluated their communication in 12% more torque
"Curiously, nearly 40% of couples have already had a sexual experience first or second time they were dating, but we suspect that if you ask these same couples early in their relationship: 'do you trust this person to keep your pet for several weeks ", there are many who do not respond in the affirmative, which means they leave more easily strangers touching their bodies they will leave them to keep their cat" Busby said.
He added that these couples are waiting to have sex to assess the confidence they canput in their partner, the quality of their communication and they share the same values in life "before the plunge sexual short circuiting their decision-making abilities. "
Scientists will replicate their study on a larger sample in a longitudinal study in whichparticipants will be monitored over time. "We are particularly interested in people whoreport wanting to wait for initial reports, but that does not follow their beliefs," saidBusby.
Sociologists refer to the results of this study, saying that couples who have a honeymoontoo early, prioritizing sex at the start of their relationship, often feel their relationship asunderdeveloped when it comes to qualities that make a stable relationship, and theirspouses trustworthy.
This is because religious beliefs often play an important role for couples who choose to wait, that Busby and his colleagues have monitored the influence of the involvement of religion in their analysis.
"Irrespective of the religiosity, the wait can build the relationship on communication processes more developed, and this improves the long-term stability and satisfaction in the relationship, "he said.
Experts say this could come from improved communication between individuals whoremained chaste before marriage. Those who wait will find many other ways tocommunicate their affection. They could spend more time talking about their expectations.